Bondage for Beginners

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Many people are curious about bondage and other BDSM games. This is perfectly natural. There is nothing bad or shameful about bondage. In fact, this sort of sexual play emphasises mutual trust and respect between partners and can be used to increase intimacy.

If you wish to try some light bondage but feel uncomfortable about heavier play or pain, this is perfectly fine – one of the most important things to remember about bondage and other BDSM activities is that they should be made with mutual consent and respect for your partner’s needs and wishes. Also, there are no “rules”, so to speak: bondage comes in many different forms and it involves many different levels of activities. If you are not into pain or tight ropes, that’s fine: you can enjoy other aspects of bondage.

One of the reasons why bondage is very arousing and sensual is because it eliminates one or more of your senses. In turn, it will heighten you other senses, which is very erotic. People who like to be tied up enjoy the feeling and psychology of being given pleasure, or they enjoy the feeling of struggling against restraints. The person performing the bondage enjoys to be in control and fully in charge. However, this should never be abused: it’s important to understand that this is all play and to respect your partners wishes.

Communication is the Key

Honest and open communication is important in every relationship, but when it comes to bondage games it’s a key to have enjoyable and respectful experience. Bondage is a psychological game: part of a thrill is to be in control or to lack control. However, this should never be abused. It is therefore very important to openly discuss with your partner what you want to do and what you don’t. Mutual trust and open communication is very important for all BDSM games.

First and foremost, it means that you should never force your partner into something they are not comfortable doing. Coercing someone or playing to their sense of guilt to make them participate in bondage is not fair – this isn’t what kinky games are about. If your partner is not into the idea of bondage, you should never force them.

The same goes for the actual things you may wish to do during a game. You need to establish what’s ok and what isn’t beforehand. It may seem unsexy or non-spontaneous to discuss these things before sex but it’s an important step especially while you’re still figuring out what you like and what you want to experience. It’s crucial to talk what you are and aren’t comfortable with before you get started. For example, you may want to be tied down during foreplay but you want to be free during sex. Or you may want to be spanked but only on certain parts of the body and not the others. You may like the idea of restraints but not ball gags. Or you may prefer that sex toys are not used.

Whatever is that you wish to explore and whatever is that you wish to avoid, it’s important to talk to your partner before the act. It’s easy to get carried away during sex or your partner may do something you don’t like at all. For these reasons, open and honest communication before the sexual encounter is important.

Safe Word

Say that you’ve talked to your partner and discussed what you like and what you don’t like. However, there can still be some unexplored elements you may encounter during the act. Or you and your partner may get carried away in the moment. There is also a chance that you might not like something you thought you would or there will be a moment when you simply want your partner to stop.

This is why safe words are for. A safe word is another thing you need to discuss beforehand. When this word is said, a dominant partner should stop; this is non-negotiable. A safe word can be anything you and your partner choose, but it should be something unique enough, something that is not likely to come up during play itself. Words like “no” or “stop” don’t make good stop words because part of the game may be to play resistance. For this reason, your safe word should be unique and easily recognisable.

Beginner Bondage Ideas

Now that you know the basic rules of the game, you can start experimenting. Beginners are strongly advised to start slowly, to see what they like and to slowly build excitement. It also takes time to learn how to use the equipment effectively (stuff like spanking paddles and ball gags or how to tie knots) so it’s important to take it slowly. Also, because bondage and other BDSM activities can be potentially dangerous if they are not done with precaution, it’s important to know what you’re doing before you start.

Here are a few arousing and sensual bondage ideas for beginners:

  • One partner can tie down the other person’s hands using light fabric. Ties or silk scarves work great for this purpose.
  • Use comfortable bondage handcuffs to tie the submissive partner.
  • Blindfolds. The submissive partner won’t see what kind of pleasure is coming next.
  • Feathers. They are ideal for light teasing of all sensitive erogenous zones. Feather ticklers work wonders if the submissive partner is blindfolded.
  • If a submissive partner is into it, use ice cubes to tease them. Another good idea is food play. It works great if a submissive partner is blindfolded.
  • Spanking. If a submissive partner is into it, spanking can be a great game.

Tips

Some good tips to keep in mind while engaging in bondage games:

  • Safety first! It’s important to pay attention to safety. Never leave your partner tied down if you leave the room. Never tie anything around your partner’s neck unless it’s an item specially designed for this purpose, such as special bondage collars. Always be ready to release your partner immediately if he or she becomes uncomfortable.
  • Bondage and other forms of BDSM are highly psychological and often involve role playing, spanking and other similar activities. Because these things signify control over someone else, it’s very important to take time after the encounter to show your partner that this was just a game and that you stilly fully respect them and care about them. Bondage should not be emotionally traumatic experience or to make your partner feel abused.
  • Don’t try bondage when you’re under influence of alcohol or other substances. It’s best to have a clear mind when engaging in those games, if nothing else, so you can keep the game safe.
  • Bondage and other BDSM activities require trust and mutual understanding, so they are not things you should do with someone you’ve just met.
  • Safe words should be respected at all costs. A dominant partner has to stop when the stop word is uttered. It’s non-negotiable.

Photography by Mike Amato

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